I’ve just got to note this down
Nikita: “I’m not mother material.”
Nikita: “Because it’s Friday and my life is insane?!?!”
HAHAHA OMG WHY AM I LAUGHING
with every heartbeat
I want to go where you are
and rub shoulders with you and giggle together at our own jokes, the silly kind that only fools like us will know.
I want to go to sleep feeling full and satisfied, my arms neatly tucked into the cavity between the pillow and the mattress. To sleep the dark night away and wake up knowing that I have done well so far.
I want to eat well, knowing that the food is only tasty because it is made for me. For me, from you, from me, from anyone at all.
I want to believe that I have a place in this world and have my feet firmly rooted to the ground. Step by step, I will walk through the world and know that it is fine to go on.
I want to know that this world is for me.
I am not out of place.
I belong here.
Please say I do.
I want to tell the world that I am capable of something but my internals will not let me
I spend my time oscillating between the highs and the lows, even if the distribution isn’t always proportionate or fair. YES! moments are always random and unpredictable while the nay moments are absolutely horrendous and that you can probably feel it coming from miles away. That’s not forgetting the sometimes excruciating long periods of time for ill-boding symptoms or a simple case of blues to escalate into a full blown crisis. Or the sudden dip in mood that places you on the level of marianas trench.
I think it’s not about trying to find a balance between having more positive moments as opposed to the more unfortunate ones. We should be not be calculative when it comes to moods and feelings since happiness doesn’t ever offset the sad parts. And I also realised that it isn’t that good moments don’t last but they slip away before we notice it.
I think it’s about coming to terms with the constant oscillations.
And feel okay for having mixed feelings of the extreme sort simultaneously without having a doubt on your sanity.